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Fem’s post Rules of the playground made me think about girls. I have a few so called “girl friends”, I don’t like them. The truth is; I often ask myself: “Why the hell am I friends with her?“
I used to be rather simple: if I didn’t like you, you’d know. If I did like you, you’d know.
I’ve never pretended to like you just to entertain my other friends with your personal problems. I’ve never been nice to you so I could gain your trust and then tell everyone what an asshole your boyfriend is, and I’ve certainly never made it look like your boyfriend is only an asshole.
Though, it seems to me; this is a girl-thing.
I used to be able to tell anyone to get lost, or stand up for myself and say: “Hey, you’re hurting me!” I used to don’t care, and never let anyone really know me. I didn’t let anyone know how shitty life was and I didn’t really care how everyone else had a shitty life.
I wonder: when did I start caring? And why do I have friends I don’t like?
Seriously..
We’ve been spoiled with beautiful weather the last weeks, and I’ve planned several weeks ahead believing that the weather will stay nice. Pardon me, but: hahahahahahahaha, as if..
Today, I woke up freezing, to the sound of rain. No need to say I got a bad start to the day. And since I got out of bed, everything seems to go wrong: I’ve got a CD stuck in the CD-reader on the other computer, I’ve got a horrible pain in a tooth, I’m eating popcorn for breakfast because I can’t find anything else and I don’t understand shit about what I’m reading for the final I have next Friday.
Next time I wake up to the sound of rain, I’ll just stay in bed..
I’ve got this tinging feeling inside, right above my heart, a little to the right. A feeling I can’t quite decide whether is good or bad, a feeling I want to get rid of, but in some ways; I enjoy. This feeling comes every spring, a feeling that’s somewhat similar to the feeling of waking up those Sunday mornings when I can stay in bed as long as I want. But also similar to the feeling of something about to go very wrong.
A feeling of restlessness, yet calmness. Despite this indefinable feeling, I love spring.
I love the sight of the first flowers stretching for sun under the big birch we have in our back yard and I love when the days are warm and long, but the nights are still cold. I love how the sky seems more blue as soon as the calendar says April and I love waking up to the sounds of singing birds outside my window. I love thinking that in a few months I’ll sit outside and read my books, walk in the grass with naked feet and spend long summer nights in the back yard with my friends and lots of beer.
It changes my view.
