A girl’s view

Fem’s post Rules of the playground made me think about girls. I have a few so called “girl friends”, I don’t like them. The truth is; I often ask myself: “Why the hell am I friends with her?“

I used to be rather simple: if I didn’t like you, you’d know. If I did like you, you’d know.

I’ve never pretended to like you just to entertain my other friends with your personal problems. I’ve never been nice to you so I could gain your trust and then tell everyone what an asshole your boyfriend is, and I’ve certainly never made it look like your boyfriend is only an asshole.

Though, it seems to me; this is a girl-thing.

I used to be able to tell anyone to get lost, or stand up for myself and say: “Hey, you’re hurting me!” I used to don’t care, and never let anyone really know me. I didn’t let anyone know how shitty life was and I didn’t really care how everyone else had a shitty life.

I wonder: when did I start caring? And why do I have friends I don’t like?

Seriously..

We’ve been spoiled with beautiful weather the last weeks, and I’ve planned several weeks ahead believing that the weather will stay nice. Pardon me, but: hahahahahahahaha, as if..

Today, I woke up freezing, to the sound of rain. No need to say I got a bad start to the day. And since I got out of bed, everything seems to go wrong: I’ve got a CD stuck in the CD-reader on the other computer, I’ve got a horrible pain in a tooth, I’m eating popcorn for breakfast because I can’t find anything else and I don’t understand shit about what I’m reading for the final I have next Friday.

Next time I wake up to the sound of rain, I’ll just stay in bed..

I’ve got this tinging feeling inside, right above my heart, a little to the right. A feeling I can’t quite decide whether is good or bad, a feeling I want to get rid of, but in some ways; I enjoy. This feeling comes every spring, a feeling that’s somewhat similar to the feeling of waking up those Sunday mornings when I can stay in bed as long as I want. But also similar to the feeling of something about to go very wrong.

A feeling of restlessness, yet calmness. Despite this indefinable feeling, I love spring.

I love the sight of the first flowers stretching for sun under the big birch we have in our back yard and I love when the days are warm and long, but the nights are still cold. I love how the sky seems more blue as soon as the calendar says April and I love waking up to the sounds of singing birds outside my window. I love thinking that in a few months I’ll sit outside and read my books, walk in the grass with naked feet and spend long summer nights in the back yard with my friends and lots of beer.

It changes my view.

It’s been a while, five months to be correct, and I’ve missed writing. It’s just that the words have been stuck in my head and unable to get out. I’ve been writing a bit in my native language, a rather boring and personal blog. Similar to this one, in fact.

Life has changes allot during those five months, I’ve moved into a really cool apartment with a girl I know, gotten one more cat and fallen in love with a city I had hardly been to before I moved here. It’s allot more sunny and people are allot nicer than where I used to live. Life is better here, maybe because this isn’t so full of memories. Everyone said there’s no such thing as a new beginning, that I’m only running from myself and that won’t work; luckily they’ve all been wrong. I’ve found friends here, realized I won’t die if I put something that doesn’t taste good in my mouth and I sleep better here. I don’t know what the reason is, because I truly loved the city I lived before too.

I’ve even managed to finish a few things on my 101-list; I’ve bought a new camera, stopped playing with my hair, written a love letter (though I never sent it), bought a teddy-bear (it’s an elephant in fact, but it counts, right?), managed to be debt free and I’ve cut my hair short. Not boy-short, but short. I like it that way.

Life nowadays is good. Of course there are things I’d like to change, but I’m happy just as I am now, and I like being happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy before, but there’s a first time for everything. I’m really busy with my studies, and I need to find a job, I just had surgery and I miss my sister allot. But; no matter what I do in life, I hold on to one statement: “I’m going to be alright”..

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You’re cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there’s just so many great things to look forward to.

How Is Your Inner Child?